Man, I really thought that writing once a month would be easier. Yet here I am, surprised that we’ve reached March 1st already. The past month has been colored with a lot of change, unanswered questions and my best attempts to stay positive. I’m sure once things even out I’ll share more, but for now... what will March bring?
In all of the tumult that I’ve been whirling in lately, I have found myself taking the easy way out- by curling up into a little introvert ball and letting things slide on the friend front. It’s not... great... it works, but not in a way that helps.
I realize that I can’t do everything myself, and I‘m endlessly lucky that my circle of loved ones are ready to help support me how ever they can. But when you have a problem that you’re tired of discussing, can’t control the outcome, what is there to do about it? It’s not like coming over to help sort beads out into orderly piles. There’s no concrete answer or end to the issues. When I feel the call to be alone, I’m trying to check in with myself, weighing if the time alone I crave is rejuvenating or avoidance... and do my best to make good choices...
I let my husband gently talk me into hanging out with friends, ones who are easy, who are happy to distract with other conversations and give my brain and heart a break from the hamster-driven anxiety wheel. Take time to really rest, to do one thing at a time and not berate myself for not doing more. I text and leave recorded messages to my people in different time zones. I keep working towards my goals as an artist, even if it’s just one tiny submission here and there.