Thirty Four

Today is a marker for another year. Thirty four.

There are so many starts in year, endings too. So many anniversaries of things that fill hearts to bursting, and those that lay them out cold and low. The light increases, all the same.

I find myself content, and dusted with a deep missing of those who passed away. I missed my Kelly arriving to our party early so as to have the best opportunity to eat the sausage balls Shawn makes. I felt my heart full to bursting having our friends fill our home. I am so lucky to have found these humans, generous, caring, quirky. Everyone celebrating their own strangeness.

Grief and birthdays are an interesting mix. I walk with firmer steps on the path of making and sharing. I am feeling closer to the truth of me, and will keep stoking that flame. The new year is full of the past, and just as full as what's to come. The struggle is to stay present, and not get tied up with thinking to long, to hard. When I find myself feeling this way, I know I have a bevy of souls to reach out to, to ask for help from. Each one is a gift, every day.

And so, to sum up all this birthday pondering, my dear ones;

I love you.

Thank you for being you, and letting me be me.